Have you been in a situation where the person you are with simply does not understand you. Perhaps they don’t say they love you as much as you would like to hear or simply they just do not show it.
I had a friend who I considered was close to me yet every time I went up to her to give her a hug or said something endearing, she simply turned away and ignored it, that made me feel that perhaps she was not such close of a friend as I thought. Then I learned this strategy that I’m about to share with you, and within just 2 weeks, it went from a “blah” relationship to great friendship. This proven technique is taken from a accelerated communication language it will create a stronger bond with any type of relationship, whether its romantic, family or friends and it works every time! Imagine being able to create that type of connection.
How does it work?
Every experience of our world is expressed on to others via the language we use, by utilizing certain language structures we can create in others the experience we are looking to convey in them. The first step is to understand how other people receive and interpret the world, then we can tailor our communication to match theirs. By understanding and putting in practice this principal it will open the door of your relationships into a different dimension.
People understand affection and love in three different ways.
a) Auditory:
Tell me you love me again! This person is more likely auditory; they understand affection by hearing certain combination of words expressed with a certain tonality and a certain timber. You can hold them and buy them things all you want however unless you tell them they won’t interpret it as such. These people tend to talk in auditory predicts such as: “Does that ring a bell”, “That sounds about right”, “Sounds good to me”. You’re likely to see them with an Mp3 player every where, and sing the lyrics to every song.
b) Visual:
Why don’t you ever buy me anything or take me out enough? These types of people like to be given cards, brought flowers, wined and dinned. A small Post-It with the words “I miss you” or “I’m happy to have you in my life” go a looonnggg way with visual people. They tend to talk in visual predicts such as: “I can see what you mean”, “Can you paint a picture for me”, “What would that look like”, “I’m a big picture person”. They are likely to always be well dressed even to go walk their dog, or just to be around the house.
c) Kinesthetic:
I am your classic example of kinesthetic I am all about feeling, you can tell me you love me all you want and buy me all the gifts however that won’t tell me how much they care until they touch me a certain way, hugged, kissed or a simple holding of hands. They tend to talk in feeling predicts such as: “That feels right to me”, “I’m not sure how I feel about that”, “I like how that feels”. They are all about comfort, they rater wear their favorite shirt every where because it just feels soooo good rather then sacrifice look for comfort.
How to elicit someone’s strategy:
To find out how someone interprets their world in the context of love and affection is very simple. It consists of a two parts.
1. You say: I read today about a way that people can learn each others love strategies to improve the quality of their relationships, lets give a try ok?
What this does is pre-frame it, so they understand where the question is coming from and grant permission to be be fully engaged.
2. Then you ask: Can you think of a time you felt truly, truly loved either by a partner, a parent a friend. Let me know when you have it. Ok now as you go back to that time was it something they said, something they did? or did they touch you in any way in particular?
A lot of people will say all three. If that is the case you say to them: A lot of people feel the same way now which one of those you feel more connected to?
After you have elicited their strategy share with them how this all works and what is your strategy and how you understand affection. Now when you want to communicate affection to them do so in their language, in their interpretation of the world and ask them to do the same.
And see your relationships grow.
Now go out there and experiment with it. Come back and post a comment on how it worked out.
